most of the shopping i do is thrift store shopping or online trades and stuff. so, almost all the movies i have (very few really, since i don’t like to watch most stuff over and over), were used when i got them.

i do a lot of searching for queer stuff at thrift stores, but with very little luck.  every once in a while, i find a queer movie at my favorite place…or i should say…i find a dvd case.  because every time, the damn thing has been stolen and the case abandoned.

and it really worries me. i mean seriously.  there are obviously other dvds stolen, but what are the odds every queer one is stolen? i used to get so pissed. but then, i began to worry.  what if someone desperately wanted to see it but couldn’t bring themselves to take it up to the register to pay for it in case someone notices.  what if they’re watching it in secret, afraid someone else might find out.  what if someone does find it.  now, i just hope they enjoyed whatever it was.  that it resonated in some way. that it helped them. and fuck it, maybe they just couldn’t afford it.

today at a retreat, during the acknowledge portion of the agenda, i was told by this old bitch that the reason i was so angry wasn’t because i was “othered” as a latin@, a perceived woman, and a queer person,  but because of the instability of my life due to the economic uncertainty of my non-profit job…and she “appreciates” my opinions.

how the fuck is Tom Hardy so beautiful. i might have to stop watching his movies.  even the shitty ones hold my attention. my brain can’t afford to watch a whole lot of the ones like today’s though. i would turn off the volume but that voice.